YOU ARE STILL IN THE "JOKE" SECTION
Scary, Isn't It?
A
chemist, a biologist, and an electrical engineer were on death
row and waiting to go to the electrical chair. The chemist was
brought forward first.
"Do you have anything to say?" asked the executioner,
strapping him in.
"No," replied the chemist.
The executioner flicked the switch and nothing happened.
Under state law, if an execution attempt failed, the prisoner was
to be released, so the chemist was released.
Then the biologist was brought forward.
"Do you have anything to say?"
"No, just get on with it."
The executioner flicked the switch, and again nothing happened,
so the biologist was released.
Then the electrical engineer was brought forward.
"Do you have anything to say?" asked the executioner.
"Yes," replied the engineer."If you swap the red
and the blue wires over, you might make this thing work."
A Yuppie's Story
A
yuppie was opening the door of his BMW when suddenly a car came
along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the
police arrived at the scene, the yuppie was complaining bitterly
about the damage to his precious BMW.
"Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeeeemmmmer!"
he whined .
"You yuppies are so materialistic. You make me sick!"
retorted the officer,"You're so worried about your stupid
BMW that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped
off!"
"Oh my God....," replied the yuppie, finally noticing
the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was,"Where's my
Rolex?"
Fax Machine
Michael
:"Do you know anything about this fax machine?"
David :"A little. What's wrong?"
Michael :"Well, I sent a fax, and the recipient called back
to say all she received was a cover-sheet and a blank page. I
tried again and the same thing happened."
David :"How did you load the sheet?"
Michael :"It was a pretty sensitive memo, and I didn't want
anyone else to read it by accident, so I folded it so only the
recipient could open it and read it."
I Would Do Anything....
A
student comes into a young professor's office. She glances down
the hall, closes the door and kneels down pleading,"I would
do anything to pass this exam." she leans closer to him,
flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes," I
mean," she whispers,"I would do anything...."
The professor returns her gaze," Anything?"
"Anything."
His voice soften,"Anything?"
"Anything!" she repeats.
His voice turns to whisper,"Would you.......study?"
Photocopier
Several
years ago we had an intern who was none too swift. One day he was
typing. Suddenly he turned to a secretary and said,"I'm
almost out of typing paper. What do I do?"
"Just use photocopier paper," she told him.
With that, the intern took his last remaining blank sheet of
paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank
copies.
Women
An
English professor wrote a sentence "Woman without her man is
nothing" on the blackboard and then directed the students to
punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote:"Woman, without her man, is nothing."
The women wrote:"Woman! Without her, man is nothing."
A Ring
Pam
and Tom, who had just gone steady, talked about their future
plans. Pam asked Tom,"Darling, if we get engaged, will you
give me a ring?"
"Sure," replied Tom,"What's your phone
number?"
Undying Love
A
couple were enjoying themselves in the park under the starry sky.
Wanting to know how much her boyfriend loved her, the girl asked
the boy,"Do you love me?"
The boy answered,"Yes, Dear."
Then the girl asked another question,"Would you die for
me?"
Calmly, the boy answered,"No, Dear. Mine is undying
love."
An Argument
Two
old friends, Jack and John, got together and talked about their
families. Jack said,"I hear that you had an argument with
your wife. How did it end up?"
John answered,"Oh, she came crawling to me on her hands and
knees."
Curious, Jack asked a further question,"Is that so? What did
she say?"
John simply answered,"She said,'Come out from under the bed
and fight like a man!"
Always By My Side
Mrs. Grey's husband has been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said,"You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. Hey, now that I think you bring me bad luck."
Flying
After
regaining consciousness at the intensive-care unit, Franz asked
his wife,"Where am I? What happened?"
"Well, when the party was in full swing," she
said,"You suddenly went out onto the balcony to show
everybody how easy it is to fly."
"But how on earth didn't you stop me?" he asked.
She said,"We thought you could really do it!"